by Michael Rodgers
One self-centered redneck
The dumber the better
One stubborn female
Any size and IQ will do
Two bad attitudes
A considerable amount of wild sex
Copious amounts of hard liquor
A Generous dusting of Cocaine
One large can of Whoop-ass
One single wide trailer
Any caliber firearm
Note to chef:
These are only general guidelines.
Feel free to experiment with social and economic status of main ingredients.
Stir male and female
blend with alcohol until horny
Heat until wild sex begins
Move the mixture into the single wide Trailer home and let simmer.
Add more booze
When sex begins to cool
Add cocaine if available
Meth is a fine substitute
More booze please
Sex should have evaporated by now
Add one bad attitude and stir aggressively
Immediately add other bad attitude
Along with rest of booze
Increase heat until attitudes are burning
Open can of whoop-ass
Add entire can and stir violently
Recipe is done when gunshots are heard.
I am currently working on my third best-selling novel. I gave up on the first two. I once considered writing a book on procrastination, but put it off until tomorrow. By the time you read this, I will be done typing. The voices tell me I’m doing fine, but they worry about you.