dear john’s remorse

04 Dec

by: Bonanza Jellybean

 

I think of you daily, for

what it’s worth which

isn’t much, I know, but

it’s the only penance I can

pay, because being lonely,

it’s all that I can do, this

reminding myself to never

do it again, a living amends,

and does that sound as empty

to you as it feels to me?

 

I can’t call to say I’m sorry

because where you are

the calls only go one way

besides what would I say

anyway it wouldn’t change

what we’ve become even

“estranged” is too good

a word; “two paths having

diverged” is simply too

poetic to describe this burnt

and disfigured mess that

was once  an “us” and not this.

 

Is it enough to close my eyes

and count to ten before

I speak to him; to be good

to him because I wasn’t then;

can tomorrow erase what

yesterday wrote; can I use

today to mend the promises

I broke and if I could, would

I take away every word we’ve

ever spoken to each other?

No, I don’t think I would;

would you, if you could?

 

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