Purged

09 Dec

2-3 Dave Matthews Band cd’s

1 boy

1 cancer

1 mom

1 girl

1 glass bottle of GHB, kept hidden in the bedroom

1 refillable bottle of morphine, prescription

alcohol to taste

1.)  To a sauté pan, add 1 cancer and 1 mom.  Sauté for a few years until mixture turns pallid.  Remove from heat and set aside.  (Note:  This will make the 1 terminally ill mom needed for steps 3 and 4.)

2.)  In a large saucepan, slowly combine 1 boy and 1 girl.  Cook over high heat, stirring constantly until blended.  Allow mixture to come to a rolling boil.  Add 1 Dave Matthews Band cd.  Cover and cook for 12 months.

3.)  Remove lid and reduce heat to medium.  Add 1 terminally ill mom (from step 1) and stir violently for 3 months.  Add alcohol to taste.  Remove from heat and allow mixture to cool overnight.

4.)  Once mixture has cooled and hardened, use a spatula to skim off the top layer and discard.  (This was the 1 terminally ill mom.)

5.)  Attempt to warm the remaining mixture over low heat.  Once melted, beat in 1 glass bottle filled with GHB, 1 refillable prescription bottle of morphine, and alcohol to taste.  Then add a dash more when no one is looking.  (Note:  If a thicker sauce is desired, add 1 Dave Matthews Band cd.)  Return heat to high.  DO NOT COVER.  When mixture reaches a boil, immediately remove from heat and strain out 1 girl, leaving all other ingredients.  Set girl aside.  Let mixture sit for 10 years.

6.)  Recheck the mixture.  IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO MAKE SURE ALL LIQUID HAS EVAPORATED.  What is left after 10 years is 1 man.

7.)  Very slowly, add the 1 man to the 1 woman.  (Note:  the woman is the girl who was strained out and set aside 10 years ago in step 5.)

8.)  Toss and enjoy, remembering that forgiveness is an acquired taste.

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