Chaos and Beauty

by Anna Maldzhiev

This blank page –
no longer blank
I call upon my muse for help
I gather my strengths and thoughts
to transform this page into anything else
turn it into a portal
a secret door to something greater
to a world of chaos and beauty
of graceful lines and sputtering clouds
of filth
sensible and nonsensical
into the deepest recesses of the shallowest grave
where red velvety rose pedals create shelter for the worms
and a cover for the pain.

Biography

I like to write.

Goodbye

by Kelley Egan

No misery was quite the same,

no pill on earth

could have eased my pain.

No school could teach you

what i’ve learned

my father will beat you with no concern.

No Religion,

that is correct.

No discussion of resurrect.

No diseased cities

on your face.

Cancer of society-erased.

  Destruction is just a game,

  and all these vices,

  they’re all the same.

 Don’t let them lead you

  down to shame.

 All they preach, it’s all insane.

  Like livin’ in luxury,

  No that’s just crap.

  Live with some peace, don’t fall in that trap.

 The higher you get

 the harder they fall.

 Can’t save themselves, if they crawled.

 Say Goodbye to all

 your silly beasts.

 The monsters from within-deceased.

Dempsey’s Redemption

By: Michael Rodgers

Livingstone Dempsey hooked his finger and pulled lightly on the side of her G-string. He slid the twenty-dollar bill between the elastic and her bare flesh, held his hand against her thigh too long, and let the elastic snap back, trapping the bill against her soft mocha skin. “Be a dear and fetch me another double Chivas, would you Tiffany?”

“You sure you need another one Mr. Dempsey? I’m Amber, remember?”

“Yes! Amber. You’ll have to excuse me, Miss Amber. You remind me of Tiffany who worked over at the Palace before it burned down. Give me a little time and I’ll have all you girls straightened out, then maybe a couple of you darlings will return the favor, if you catch my drift.”

Amber rolled her eyes as she walked away, “One double, coming right up, Mr. Dempsey.”

Dempsey was enjoying his new wealth, though he never noticed that he piqued most women with his arrogance and crude mannerisms. He saw women as objects for his entertainment and gratification and little else. Any other value they contributed to his life would have to be measured in misery and betrayal. The notion never occurred to him that he might be the problem in his relationships. He would never admit it, but it was the reason he spent most of his spare time in strip clubs. Women were easier to relate to if you paid them first.

He had managed to marry once. It was a turbulent affair that he referred to as the lost eight years. An unfortunate by-product of those years was a daughter he hadn’t seen since she was fourteen. Dempsey assumed his ex-wife, Sheila, finally got tired of fighting him for child support or maybe she found another man’s life to ruin. Whatever the issue, she disappeared along with their daughter ten years earlier.

There was a time he felt he loved Sheila, but never gave two shits about her, why can’t you stay home at nights and help with the baby, attitude. He couldn’t figure why she turned into such a bitch. She could choke on a pretzel or get tossed off a high building for all he cared now, so long as she stayed away from his bank account. She reminded him of his ungrateful ex-best-friend Steve, who he fired a few weeks earlier. Still, he did wonder about his daughter from time to time…like now. It must be the Chivas talking, he mused. He struggled to recall her name. Kaitlan, is that it? He thought it was. Naturally, he blamed the breakup, and the modicum of guilt he felt for not staying in touch with his only child on Sheila. After all, she’s the one who disappeared. None of it mattered now. Kaitlan will be fine, he rationalized, after all, she’s a Dempsey.

 

***

That is not to say Dempsey didn’t have it good. He did. He had been fortunate most of his life and had been the benefactor of a lot of help along the way. Those who helped would rarely suffer receiving any credit though, and more often got a proverbial kick in the crotch for their deeds. In his world of self importance, Dempsey considered himself a dominant force in a world of peons and underlings, felt entitled to live for his own pleasures and believed others should fend for themselves. A perfect collation of this attitude would be the way he treated his only friend, Steven Merritt, aka Little Stevie.

Although some distance had grown between them as adults, they had been thick as thieves in their early days and when they were old enough to go to work, they both got hired on at his father’s company, Dempsey Iron. It was a small, but respectable business that built a variety of steel products, but most of the business focus was on building trash dumpsters. Stoner was also an only child. Years earlier, his mother left for parts unknown with some hillbilly guitar player and Dempsey never forgave her the transgression. When his dad died of a heart attack at sixty-three, Stoner was left to handle the reigns of the company. At forty-one years old, he had spent little effort learning either the business or the manufacturing end of things. While Stoner spent most of his nights drinking and his mornings coming in late, Little Stevie Merritt spent his evenings going to school to study business and engineering. Stevie offered Stoner advice on occasion, but was just as often harshly dismissed, “This is my fucking business now, and I’ll run it the way I see fit.”

And run it he did, right into the ground. When the company’s accountant suggested selling the business as the only means of avoiding bankruptcy, Dempsey finally turned to Little Stevie for help. “I thought you’d never ask,” Stevie said, “I’ve been thinking about this place for a long time and I have some ideas I’d like to run by you.”

What Stevie managed to do with the business in five short years was nothing short of miraculous. He negotiated extensions with creditors, laid-off most of the office staff and crew and cut salaries with the promise of hiring everyone back when the business got reorganized. When they did start hiring again, everyone was hired at a lower salary with a profit sharing incentive, which pissed Stoner off to no end. Stevie explained that it would buy the company the time it needed to get back on its feet and that people would work harder, steal less and come in on time if they felt they had a stake in the game. Stoner hated the idea, “They should do whatever I tell them to as long as their paycheck clears every Friday.”

“Yeah, maybe they should, but how has that been working out for you lately?”

Who does this sawed-off little shit think he’s talking to? Helping others always felt like rolling naked in raw fiberglass to Dempsey. Knowing he had no choice only made the irritant more irritating.

The reorganization managed to save the business, along with a revolutionary new dumpster designed by Stevie. Ever reluctant to change, Stevie was surprised when Stoner readily agreed to a new company name that was voted on by the profit sharing workers. Dempsey Dumpsters had a friendly, pleasing ring to it. Soon the company was selling the new dumpsters to nearly every waste management company in the tri-state area. They could barely keep up with the demand. When an engineering firm had to be hired to double the size of the small factory, Dempsey’s accountant sat down with him and explained that he needed to start finding some tax shelters for the company profits. “Exactly why would I need to do a thing like that?” he asked.

“Well, I’ve been examining the books and the projected long term company growth. As near as I can estimate, you are going to become a millionaire by the end of next year and millionaires need tax shelters.”

The following week, Stevie received the accountant’s official projections and approached Dempsey with a proposition that would finally allow him to start reaping some reward for his effort. He laid out a reasonable and workable plan that garnered him a fair, yet considerable increase in salary and a small percentage of the business. Dempsey rewarded Little Stevie Merritt by firing him on the spot. “I’ve just about had it up to here with you and your ungrateful attitude. You’ve been trying to steal this company from me for the last five years and I’m sick of it. This is my fucking company, remember? Look, I don’t need your services anymore. You’ve got two hours to clear your office and get off the fucking property or I’ll call the cops and have you thrown off. Now, get moving and don’t look back.”

“Steal the company? What are you talking about, Stoner? I’ve been underpaid since your dad died and I’ve poured my life into this place. What else do you suppose I’ll do for a living? The economy is crap right now and I‘ve got a wife and two kids to feed, for crissakes.”

“Yeah, I know. That’s a tough one for you, but you’ve got talent. You’ll find something. I hear City Waste is looking for drivers. Do what ever you want to do. I really don’t give a shit. All I know is your career at Dempsey Dumpsters is over. Now, get out!”

***

Dempsey drained the last of his fifth double, got to his feet with a slight wobble and headed for the restroom. On the way by the bar he motioned to Amber, “Hey, Tiffany. One more double and I’m out of here.”

“It’s Amber.”

“Whatever. One more double, then you can cut me off.”

He found and empty stall and pulled the vile from his jacket pocket. He never bothered with those tiny spoons anymore and tapped out a small pile on the back of his hand between his thumb and index finger. This oughta take the edge off the Chivas, he thought as he raised his hand to his face and snorted the white powder.

As Stoner worked his way back to his table, the DJ was introducing the next dancer, “So let’s hear it for the newest member of The Sticky Nipple’s erotic dance team. Come on all you manly whore-dogs, give it up forrr Jaaaasssmiiinnne!”

Dempsey eyed the stage as the lithesome young blonde gyrated and dipped around the dance pole. Damn what a body, he thought; she looks just like Sheila in her younger days. He was just making it back to his table when Amber showed up with his drink. “Are you sure you’re gonna be all right, Mr. Dempsey?”

“I’ll be fine, Darling, don’t you worry about old Stoner. I just had a little pick-me-up, if you catch my drift. Here’s a twenty for the Chivas and another twenty for you if you can get a message to that smoking little number on stage and tell her Mr. Dempsey might need a private dance when she’s done with her set. I’ll tell you what; I’ll give you another twenty if you can set me up in one of the private booths and send her over when she’s done.”

“I’ll see what I can do, Mr. Dempsey.”

Jasmine busied herself with tying the sash on the feather-trimmed robe that barely covered her thong panties as she approached Dempsey’s booth. She opened the curtain, entered and booth and pulled the curtain closed behind her, “You say you were interested in a table dance, Mister?” she cooed.

“I’m interested in whatever it is you’re sending out tonight, Baby. Why don’t you have a seat right here next to Mr. Dempsey, and we’ll talk about it?”

For the first time, Jasmine looked at Dempsey and froze as she recognized the name, then the face. She felt repulsed and nauseous, then quickly regained her composure, “It’s one hundred for two songs, Mr. Dempsey. Paid in advance.”

“A hundred bucks? The other girls only charge fifty.”

“I’m not one of the other girls, Mr. Dempsey.”

Kid Rock’s Cowboy, started playing in the background as Jasmine started rolling her hips from side to side.

“That you are not. You’re a real show stopper.”

“The music’s playing and you’re burning our time, Mr. Dempsey. Dance or no dance?”

Dempsey groped every inch of the stunning young woman with his eyes and weighed the possibilities. “Here’s a hundred.”

Jasmine did not disappoint as she gyred, slithered and slinked around the tight cubicle in ways that would make a dead man hard. She was down to her G-string by the time the second song was through the first verse. Dempsey pawed at her the whole time like a puppy with a new squeak-toy.

Jasmine warned him for the fourth time, “Look, the rules say no touching the girls. One more time and I’ll buzz the bouncer.”

“I’ll make it simple for you, Sweetie. I’ll give you a thousand dollars if you go home with me and let me treat you like a rag-doll,” Dempsey countered as he reached for the small gap between Jasmine’s legs.

Things happened quickly after that as Jasmine hit the buzzer, yanked the curtain open and began to shake, “I don’t think that’s going to happen, asshole.”

“Aw, what do you mean? You look just like my ex and I thought we could get together and pretend we were–”

Jasmine grabbed what was left of the double-shot of Chivas Regal and tossed the contents square in Dempsey’s face. His eyes burned as he tried to rub the toxic liquid from his eyes. “What the fuck is your problem, bitch?”

“You don’t recognize me, do you? I’m your daughter, Kaitlan. Remember having a daughter?”

“Yeah…huh? But, I thought your name is Jasmine?”

“ Jasmine is just a stage name, you idiot. I swear I wish Mom were alive to hear this one. She wouldn’t fucking believe it.”

“Sheila’s dead? How–”

“She died from breast cancer almost nine years ago. Nice of you to be concerned. Didn’t you find it strange when the subpoenas quit coming? My God, you’re dense. I’ve been on my own ever since and had to make some hard choices, no thanks to you. You couldn’t be bothered with family issues, remember?”

She turned to walk away. Dempsey stood and grabbed her arm, “Kaitlan, wait–” he never saw the bouncer approaching as he snatched Dempsey’s hand from Kaitlan’s arm. The man was built like a rodeo bull and twice as hairy.

“Nobody touches the girls, Sir. Club policy. Is this guy bothering you, Kait?”

“Bothering me?” There was fire in her eyes, “Only since I was born. He’s my father. The heartless prick doesn’t even recognize his own daughter. Can you believe that shit? Throw the son-of-a-bitch out in the alley. He’s not good enough to be tossed out the front door.”

Dempsey felt a sharp pain as his left shoulder met the corner of the dumpster. “And don’t come back,” the bouncer said as he slammed the back door of The Sticky Nipple.

Dempsey shouted at the closed door, “See you tomorrow, then. Send my love to Jasmine and the girls for me…and don’t forget to write, you steroid shooting freak.”

Dempsey started to get up, then thought better of it and crawled over and sat, shaking against the wall in the dimly lit alley. He was sure his shoulder was dislocated.  Just look at yourself, Dempsey. What a frigging mess you are. You look like you could use another bump, then we’ll call it a night. This has been too weird even for me. He dug into his pocket and found the vile, then realized he couldn’t move his left arm to help with the cap. Grabbing the cap with his teeth, he twisted the vile with his good hand until the cap separated. He spit the lid across the pavement. I won’t be needing that any more.

He held the vile up to the alley light, almost empty. He rolled the vile in his fingers like a prospector might hold a nugget to the sun, and then threw the vile across the alley where it crashed against the dumpster with Dempsey splashed across the side. Hmph. One of mine. Don’t that just figure. His thoughts swirled as he struggled to make sense of his life. Sheila, the business, Kaitlan, strippers, his father, his love for Chivas Regal, his mother, his stupidity, cocaine, how he managed to plunger his life down the crapper along with all those he was supposed to care about. He sat there for what seemed like an hour, shoulder and soul equally aching and hoping time would offer relief, but relief would not come. He descried his life as a calamity of self-indulgent errors. For the first time in years, Livingstone Dempsey hung his head, broke down and heaved the sobs of a broken man.

***

He didn’t know how long he’d been out, his face sticky with the remnants of emotions both foreign and new to him. He wiped his face with the jacket sleeve of his good arm, his left arm still immobile and throbbing with every heartbeat, yet somehow he felt better than he had in years. It was still dark as he managed to get to his feet. This could take some getting used to, this caring about others, he thought.

Dempsey rarely gave religion a second thought, but he looked skyward and spoke aloud, “If you’re up there, I swear to you as my witness, I’ll find a way to make it up to Kaitlan and everybody else I’ve screwed along the way. I don’t want people remembering me as a heartless prick.” He turned toward the end of the alley and walked slowly as the pulse in his shoulder began to wane and his tight muscles loosened. He noticed the traffic picking up as he made his way down the adjoining street. Early commuters were sleepily making their way to work. Must be getting close to daybreak. I’m going to need to get this shoulder looked at. Maybe I should call the office and leave a message that I won’t be in today.

He fumbled inside his jacket for his iPhone. Still feeling fuzzy, Dempsey began dialing and never notice the curb as he stepped off, tripped and fell into the street. The brakes on the City Waste truck locked up hard, but it was too late to help Dempsey. Inside the cab, the driver reached frantically for the two-way radio, “Dispatch call 911, and hurry! Holy Mother of Christ on a cracker, this is Little Stevie in truck two-forty-three. I just ran over some drunk. He just fell right in front of me and I think he’s still under the truck.”

A Father to Two Beautiful Girls

by Catherine Smith

A father to two beautiful girls

Who thought more of their dad than anything in the world.

The love they gave you was just not enough,

But how can you blame them for your own stuff?

It wasn’t your girls that made you run.

It was the lost love of their mother that handed you the gun.

Some might say she’s a fool for not stopping you,

But how can you blame her for the things you do?

Going to the park was such a smart choice.

At two o’clock in the morning no one would hear the noise.

But you had it all planned; you told her before.

Then you blamed her for letting you walk out the door.

Yes, killing someone makes you so much bigger than the rest.

At least no one but you will have to deal with your nest.

Your life was jut way too hard,

But was she the one to blame for all of the scars?

It was almost as if your life was a game.

You played until you finally reached your fame.

Did you reach the level you wanted in life;

Or is she to blame for not wanting to be your wife?

Leaving now was such a great plan,

No more worries about her leaving you for another man.

What a smart thing indeed to shatter your own window.

How can you blame her for not wanting to be a widow?

No One Can Protect Her

by Chelsey Lucas

Solemn, she looked down upon her America and cried,
            What have you become?

Her faded jean overalls scratch on the crumbling steps
of her three story multiple family
home
crammed and destitute,
poor, like her father who,
with hands cracked, worn, and covered in dirt, worked several shifts at many jobs,
there just wasn’t enough for them.
There was never enough.

America, what have you become?

Your children’s children are starving in the streets
And your brave policemen are afraid of the fags in NYC
And your businessman are bankrupting You, America,
            What have you become?
With your poor getting poorer
            streets getting darker
            cities getting smaller
            heart beating softer

Little girl crying at gunshots in the ghetto
but her daddy’s at work,
he can’t protect her. America, no one can
protect her.

America, what have you become?

For a Minor Fee…

By Leeland Hindman

Archer Page

Number- Unknown

Address- Unknown

Dear Mr. Man Behind the Curtain

I would like to offer my services to solve the most peculiar problem you seem to have. There is no need to be ashamed of what you want accomplished for it is a natural fact of life, some people just need to die. That is why you need the best, and as you will see from my experience that I am the man for the job; for I can accomplish any job even if the target is not of this world, although I charge extra for that.

 I know that over the years this great field of study that I have dedicated my life to has become diluted and contaminated with such second rate lackeys. These people, who only do the job for money, have no passion, and always seem to make a mistake. I, on the other hand, do this job for pure enjoyment and pleasure, but do not believe that I work for free.

I hope that you make the right choice in your selection, remember that just like wine there is the cheap shit that only fat chicks and white trash seems to enjoy, and there is the 30 year aged 57% Merlot/ 43% Ice Wine. I’m sure you can figure out which category I place myself in.

Experience:

Ah, where to start in my vast history?

I suppose one of the best places to start would be in Texas during 1963. I’m sure that you have heard of what took place that year. A certain leader of the free world had set his eye on the Federal Reserve, and my clients could not allow their precious hold on the U.S. to falter. So I was sent, and, as you can see, I accomplished the job.  A fall man was also placed without my knowledge and I sometimes wonder what would happen if he would have survived, perhaps they would have lost their banks anyway.

 The next best place to start would be May 13 1981: I was contacted by a few men who wished to send their message to the leader of the church. They did not like his free thinking and encouragement of the church and science relationship. They wanted their presence known, but they did not want him dead. So I provided a unique job for the circumstance which went favorably well.

 I suppose the next logical step is August 31 1997. I was contacted by a man inside the royal family who wished for his earlier love to disappear. I was happy to accommodate by cutting the brake lines ever so slightly so that they would go out just as they reached the tunnel, and might I say, it worked well.

Now that you read over this impressive resumé you must be wondering how to reach me. Well simply look inside of yourself, to the deepest darkest part, which you hide to world and only show to the darkness. All you need to do is let me out and I’ll take care of the rest, for a minor fee of course.

We

by Justin Oberg

We sleepwalk

            Eyes closed

            Ears shut

            Minds off.

The hate we awake with is

            Not our own.

We are flung

            From the

            Dream

                        Bliss state

And projected into the

            Paranoid hivemind

Our reality is lost behind

                        Glass curtains

                        Of plasma

                        And projectors

            And the imagination

            Has been replaced

            With “reality”

Everyone is out to get us

            And we don’t even

                        Know who “us”

            Is.

And even the clear mind picture

            Is not real enough

Not colorful and not fast

            Enough

                        Enough

And we the poets write

            Uninterpretable critiques

Instead of saying “go back

            To sleep.”

Epiphany

by Blossom O’radovich

Biography


I find inspiration from many different areas of my life and through the experimentation with various mediums continue to learn my strengths and weaknesses as an artist. I can draw inspiration from anything and everything but choose my subjects mostly based on personal impact and secondly on aesthetics. I try to simplify my artwork to show the most important attributes of the subject but also enjoy realism. In contrast to my procedurally limiting studies such as chemistry, physics, and calculus, the arts affords me a creative but also therapeutic outlet I otherwise would not have. My drive comes from an opinion that art really is good or bad, in that it is not subjective; my art is either good or bad and my drive to produce “good” art inspires me to learn and grow as an artist.