Archive for April, 2011

Taking Love (winner of the Swampscribes Booty Call contest)

27 Apr

by Joel Hanson

It was hot

like really hot

I mean she was a solid ten

like on a scale of one to ten, ten being the most attractive

I thought there was really something there, ya know?

Beyond the physical

If that’s a thing

I though we were just about to make that connection

And then she screamed rape


Joel Hanson is a mediocre writer and amateur cowboy. He spends his spare time golfing, at the beach, napping in his hammock, wooing your little sister, making cocktails, playing PlayStation, cooking things he sees Emeril make, and bowling. His favorite television shows are Archer, Rescue Me, How I Met Your Mother, Jersey Shore, Rob Dyrdek’s Fantasy Factory, and Dragon Ball Z. Joel dreams of someday starting one of those giant bar brawls that you see in old western movies, pulling a gun on an attacker armed with a knife, rewriting Jaws to star the ocean’s real apex predator-the orca, and retiring to someplace exotic with a petite blonde to do his laundry. In the meantime, Joel is content to take long naps, drink tall beers, and cook short orders.

Staff — Spring 2011

27 Apr

Chelsey Lucas, Editor in Chief
As a paper-writing extraordinaire, English language, literature, and composition has become my life’s calling. After two amazing years at SCF, I’ve obtained my AA and am moving on to New College of Florida for the fall semester to continue my education in becoming a teacher at the college level (and no, you’re not the first one to think I’m a masochist for making this decision). Elektraphrog has been quite an adventure–sometimes torturous, often headache-inducing, but still tons of fun–and I look forward to using my skills as editor-in-chief this past year in future endeavors.

Cherstin Frame, Assistant Editor in Chief
Cherstin Frame enjoys reading and writing, and will soon be graduating from SCF. She plans to attend FGCU in the fall to pursue a degree in Elementary Education. Cherstin still hopes to write a few novels someday, although with a new baby and a six-year-old, her dream may have to wait a while.

Sharon Valderrama, Assistant Editor in Chief
I’ve been working on getting my A.A. here at SCF for a few years now, and although it’s been a bit of a struggle, it’s going to be dearly missed. Thanks to the variety of teachers on campus I have found my calling and will be pursuing a Philosophy and Public Administration double major with a Minor in Non-Profit Management. Although I plan on working with non-profit organizations and government funded programs, I hope to continue on with my interests in reading, writing, and spoken word. To all of those who aren’t too sure of themselves when it comes to being creative, just remember “Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that’s creativity.” -Charles Mingus

Rheena Balan, Editor

Jessica Bennett, Editor

Nicholas Chevalier, Editor and Web Guru

Chris Langnes, Editor
Returning to College after 38 years has been an experience. I am pursuing a new career as a Registered Nurse. Being involved with young students is great in the way of keeping a younger attitude and scary in the way I see our future panning out. Being involved with Elektraphrog and seeing the creativity of the students is very exciting. I hope you enjoy reading and viewing the work that has been submitted.

Brittany Marshall, Editor

Caitlin Mastrodonato, Editor

Jessica Vaughan, Editor

Lisa Vinas, Editor

Matthew Masucci, Faculty Adviser

Poetry — Spring 2011

26 Apr

Kelley Egan, “Feel Like Winter”

Kelley Egan, “Goodbye”

Joel Hanson, Taking Love (winner of the Swampscribes Booty Call contest)

Korey Jones, “Hard Enough, I’ve Found It Is”

Marc Killam, “This Most Terrible Sting”

Chelsey Lucas, “No One Can Protect Her”

Anna Maldzhiev, “Chaos and Beauty”

Justin Oberg, “We”

Michael Rodgers, “Recipe for Disaster”

Catherine Smith, “A Father to Two Beautiful Girls”

Emily Yandell, “Eclipse”

Faculty and Staff

Woody McCree, “For One Who is Lost”

Woody McCree, “What Will I Kill Today?”

Charlene Pratt, “Coffee, Tea, or ?”

Charlene Pratt, “The Blue Moon Café”

Visual Arts — Spring 2011

26 Apr

Chris Langnes, “Wood Ducks”

Chris Langnes, “Hours Old Crane Chicks”

Blossom O’Radovich, “Charcoal Eyes”

Blossom O’Radovich, “Epiphany”

Blossom O’Radovich, “Flamingo”

Blossom O’Radovich, “Self Portrait”

Faculty and Staff

Woody McCree, “Myakka Preserve”

Woody McCree, “Paynes Prairie”

Woody McCree, “Woodpeckers”

Nonfiction — Spring 2011

26 Apr

Faculty and Staff

Nina D’Andrea, “Even Ducks Grieve”

This Most Terrible Sting

23 Apr

by Mark Killam

Under the glare of a cold winter sun,

there they stood-

one huge family gathered as one,

gaining great strength,

as they buried a loving son.

The horrific deed now is done,

their lonesome journey-

one of loss and despair-just begun.

Yet in being together

sharing bittersweet memories-

Along with the laughter and many tears-

they’re sure to bring.

And one day soon-

as the Angels of Heaven begin to sing-

A familiar voice they’ll surely hear,

and forever gone –

will be this most terrible sting.

What Will I Kill Today? (The Ethics of Home and Lawn Care)

23 Apr

by Woody McCree

The armadillos are coming every night now,

Ripping apart my pristine green lawn

With their grub-searching snouts and claws.


There are ants on my kitchen counter;

Yes, I understand that I practically invited them in,

Cooking for three nights in a row

Without wiping down the surface.


I understand that I am the one who sliced the cantaloupe,

Allowing the juice to drip down,

Forming pale orange puddles on the gray Formica.

I concede it is my fault the ants are here;

Nevertheless, they are here.


The squirrels keep reaching around to my well-hung birdfeeders,

Stretching their flexible torsos

To steal the abundant seed.

The sunflower seed and suet are for the cardinals,

The warblers, and the tufted-titmice

Not the acrobatic rats with fluffy tails.


Floppy green elephant ears keep sprouting up

Through the inches of well-manicured mulch,

Layered impeccably to prevent all weeds from taking root.


This array of choices dizzies me.

I have no choice;

There is only one choice:

Kill them!

Kill them ALL!

For One Who is Lost

23 Apr
by Woody McCree

My Love for you fills the universe.

What the first wave of radiation felt

When that first pulsing particle expanded and stretched

To become the outward edge of all galaxies,

That is the love I feel for you.


The drive to reach for nutrients

In the fluids beyond the first amoeba’s cell wall,

That is the love I feel for you.


The longing of trees for the earth

As they send roots downward

Into crevices between stone and clay,

That is the love I feel for you.


The way of a wolf with her pups,

The instinct to protect and snarl,

That is the love I feel for you.


The yearning of stars that hurl their light

Past aeons to reach a thousand distant worlds,

That is the love I feel for you.


The lip-quivering, hand-trembling, wine-struck staggering,

Breathless, hopeless, endless-

That is the love I feel for you.

Recipe for Disaster

23 Apr

by Michael Rodgers

Main ingredients:

One self-centered redneck
The dumber the better
One stubborn female
Any size and IQ will do

Secondary ingredients:

Two bad attitudes
A considerable amount of wild sex
Copious amounts of hard liquor
A Generous dusting of Cocaine
One large can of Whoop-ass
One single wide trailer
Any caliber firearm

Note to chef:

These are only general guidelines.
Feel free to experiment with social and economic status of main ingredients.
Think jambalaya.


Stir male and female
blend with alcohol until horny
Heat until wild sex begins
Move the mixture into the single wide Trailer home and let simmer.
Add more booze
When sex begins to cool
Add cocaine if available
Meth is a fine substitute
More booze please
Sex should have evaporated by now
Add one bad attitude and stir aggressively
Immediately add other bad attitude
Along with rest of booze
Increase heat until attitudes are burning
Open can of whoop-ass
Add entire can and stir violently
Recipe is done when gunshots are heard.

I am currently working on my third best-selling novel. I gave up on the first two. I once considered writing a book on procrastination, but put it off until tomorrow. By the time you read this, I will be done typing. The voices tell me I’m doing fine, but they worry about you.

Hard Enough, I’ve Found It Is

23 Apr

by Korey Jones

Hard enough, I’ve found it is
Choosing just one scene to live.
For oceans rise and cornfields run,
But look the same when all is done

And lives are rooted, sand or snow,
Which dots on maps have never shown;
So many boxes here and there
Still home to ghosts that time did spare.

If boldly spoken I could last,
But oh these faces come and pass!
Now so I’ve roamed, and right to claim,
These different places feel the same.