By Leeland Hindman
Archer Page
Number- Unknown
Address- Unknown
Dear Mr. Man Behind the Curtain
I would like to offer my services to solve the most peculiar problem you seem to have. There is no need to be ashamed of what you want accomplished for it is a natural fact of life, some people just need to die. That is why you need the best, and as you will see from my experience that I am the man for the job; for I can accomplish any job even if the target is not of this world, although I charge extra for that.
I know that over the years this great field of study that I have dedicated my life to has become diluted and contaminated with such second rate lackeys. These people, who only do the job for money, have no passion, and always seem to make a mistake. I, on the other hand, do this job for pure enjoyment and pleasure, but do not believe that I work for free.
I hope that you make the right choice in your selection, remember that just like wine there is the cheap shit that only fat chicks and white trash seems to enjoy, and there is the 30 year aged 57% Merlot/ 43% Ice Wine. I’m sure you can figure out which category I place myself in.
Experience:
Ah, where to start in my vast history?
I suppose one of the best places to start would be in Texas during 1963. I’m sure that you have heard of what took place that year. A certain leader of the free world had set his eye on the Federal Reserve, and my clients could not allow their precious hold on the U.S. to falter. So I was sent, and, as you can see, I accomplished the job. A fall man was also placed without my knowledge and I sometimes wonder what would happen if he would have survived, perhaps they would have lost their banks anyway.
The next best place to start would be May 13 1981: I was contacted by a few men who wished to send their message to the leader of the church. They did not like his free thinking and encouragement of the church and science relationship. They wanted their presence known, but they did not want him dead. So I provided a unique job for the circumstance which went favorably well.
I suppose the next logical step is August 31 1997. I was contacted by a man inside the royal family who wished for his earlier love to disappear. I was happy to accommodate by cutting the brake lines ever so slightly so that they would go out just as they reached the tunnel, and might I say, it worked well.
Now that you read over this impressive resumé you must be wondering how to reach me. Well simply look inside of yourself, to the deepest darkest part, which you hide to world and only show to the darkness. All you need to do is let me out and I’ll take care of the rest, for a minor fee of course.