by: Bonanza Jellybean
I think of you daily, for
what it’s worth which
isn’t much, I know, but
it’s the only penance I can
pay, because being lonely,
it’s all that I can do, this
reminding myself to never
do it again, a living amends,
and does that sound as empty
to you as it feels to me?
I can’t call to say I’m sorry
because where you are
the calls only go one way
besides what would I say
anyway it wouldn’t change
what we’ve become even
“estranged” is too good
a word; “two paths having
diverged” is simply too
poetic to describe this burnt
and disfigured mess that
was once an “us” and not this.
Is it enough to close my eyes
and count to ten before
I speak to him; to be good
to him because I wasn’t then;
can tomorrow erase what
yesterday wrote; can I use
today to mend the promises
I broke and if I could, would
I take away every word we’ve
ever spoken to each other?
No, I don’t think I would;
would you, if you could?